


Gotham's Villains Awards

by DiYunho



Category: DCU, Joker - Fandom, Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: DC comics - Freeform, Emotions, F/M, Family Feels, Flirting, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fun, Funny, Gotham, Hilarious, Humor, Jokes, Laughter, Post-Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Freeform, The Joker Jared Leto, The Joker Suicide Squad, The Joker fanfic, The Joker/batman - Freeform, The Joker/family, The Joker/wife, The joker/reader - Freeform, dc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2019-06-21 00:32:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15545658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiYunho/pseuds/DiYunho
Summary: Once a year, all Gotham’s elite underworld gets together to recognize the best of the worst among them. After working so hard to create mayhem and chaos,it sure is nice to enjoy an event created just for that.





	Gotham's Villains Awards

**Author's Note:**

> You can also follow me on Tumblr under the same blog name: DiYunho.

Harvey Dent is hosting tonight’s event. It is a chance for Gotham’s underworld elite to come together and celebrate the mayhem and chaos they create every year. You and The Joker are sitting at a table close to the stage, sharing the space with The Penguin and his girlfriend, Anita and Harvey’s wife, Sophia. Since he is on the stage, can’t really join you for the evening and that’s fine with J. He keeps on talking to Oswald and you chitchat with the girls.

“Are you going to try for another baby?” Anita asks because you hang out quite a bit so she knows the story.

“Yes, we are actually trying again, I really want a girl,” you sigh, thinking about all the pink, cute stuff you can buy for a little Princess and you can’t since you have 5 boys.

“And…how are things going?” Sophia elbows you, snickering.

“Great, can’t complain; J is such a stud, he could get a rock pregnant!” you praise your partner in crime.

Plop! An olive bounces off your cleavage and falls on your plate. The Joker was eavesdropping (like he always does) so he had to get your attention.

“Rrrrrrrrrrrrr,” he purrs from across the table, winking and goes back to his conversation.

You smile, blushing a bit and scratch your arm, flattered.

“I love my kids, don’t get me wrong,” you address the women, “but a girl in the ocean of testosterone would be nice.” They laugh, amused and you have to say it: “I think it might be something wrong with J’s genes - he can only make boys.”

Plop! Another olive bounces off you.

“There’s nothing wrong with my genes, Pumpkin,” he growls, annoyed. He wants to continue with a rant but the first award of the night is coming up. They never show the nominees, they just present the winner to avoid further confrontations between all the crazy people in there. If you don’t really know who you were up against, then things won’t get out of hand. Hopefully.

Harvey Dent clears up his throat and announces:

“The first award of the night is Best Car Chase of The Year. And the winner is… Mister J for the third year in a row!”

“Ha! I won again!” J gets up, leans over the table to kiss you and you are so excited for him. Pictures taken from the surveillance cameras all over Gotham show the Purple Lamborghini followed by the Bat mobile on June 15th, when you and J robbed 7 banks in one night. J goes on the stage and Harvey hands over his recognition.

“Thank you!” his deep voice resonates in the huge room and the speakers tremble from the husky tone that makes you shiver with adoration. You are about to lose your shit; he looks so dashing in that silver suit. ”All I wanted to say is: Batsy’s a jerk!!” The whole place goes insane! Everyone is clapping, whistling and get on their feet, chanting his name. He smirks, victorious, enjoying being the center of attention and points towards you: “My wife was with me that night so half of this is hers.” You almost faint with exhilaration and blow him a kiss while he feels the need to clear up something:

“And for the record, there’s nothing wrong with my genes!” Not a single soul was phased by the random sentence because they are all a bunch of mad weirdoes. Nothing fazes them since they are used to awkwardness; they actually clap more.

Your husband returns to his sit not before kissing you again, then bites your neck fast and really hard.

“Auch!! That hurts,” you complain, pouting, covering the red mark.

“Good,” he whispers in your ear. “That got you pregnant, Doll. Since I can get rocks pregnant, maybe this worked also,” he sniffles your hair, aroused, then fights with himself to get away and returns by Oswald’s side.

“Our next award recognizes the good work of our trusted sidekicks,” Two Face underlines. “The award for Henchman of The Year goes to… Jonny Frost! He couldn’t be here tonight due to his need to recovery from the 3 bullet wounds he sustained on a mission in…in…” Dent goes through his papers, not finding the information.

“New York!” J shouts, rolling his eyes.

“Huh?”

“New York, man!” The Joker yells louder.

“Oh, New York,” Harvey finally understands. “Anyway, we wish him speedy recovery so he can go out there and create more trouble. It is fair to assume Mister and Misses J will take the award to him.”

“No, I don’t want to!” J sulks, irritated.

“Of course we will,” you wave at Harvey with a smile, nodding a yes.

Oswald distracts The Joker with some questions and Sophie inquires about a detail she always wanted to know.

“Say, Y/N, how did you and Mister J met?”

“Ahhh…” you take a deep breath, touching your burning cheeks from the precious memory, “…he stole my heart.”

“Oh my God, how romantic!” both women squeal with puppy eyes.

“No, he literally stole my heart. I was delivering one I found on the black market for a transplant a senator’s father needed, can’t remember the name but he had the money,” you quickly add, “ …and J stole it from me; he thought I had diamonds in there. Isn’t that sweet?” you giggle and they follow. “I have no idea how he got my number, but after an hour he called, pissed about what he found when he opened the box. I had to give him half the money promised to me in order for him to return that heart for delivery. J is a very good negotiator; the whole time he talked to me on the phone he made these sounds that got me all worked up. He’s such a flirt; I had to take a cold shower after the phone conversation.”

Plop! The olive bounces off your shoulder and you take it from the table and eat it, licking your lips in the process. The Joker flashes this huge silver smile and everything fades: you so want to jump over this table and rip his clothes off but can’t.

“The next award of the evening is Best Dressed Male Villain of The Year. And the winner is…The Riddler!”

“Booooo!” J protests, unhappy he didn’t win that one. But, come on, the Riddler looks cute because they let him wear his trademark outfit in prison. Nobody else was that lucky. “The Riddler can’t be here tonight, he’s still incarcerated at Arkham,” Harvey informs.

All the ladies in the room go awwwww.

“Ha!Ha!Ha!” your husband cracks up, thrilled about The Riddler’s misfortune.

“Wasn’t someone designated to get him out of there?” Dent asks the crowd and they look at each other, confused. The Joker coughs, sipping on his brandy. He was appointed for that task but didn’t give a shit. “Anyway, we’ll keep it for him until he’s back,” the ex-senator concludes, continuing with his task. “Next, one of the lovely ladies will be up here to join me. The award for Best Dressed Female Villain of The Year goes to…Poison Ivy!”

“Booooo!” you get upset because you didn’t win but your objection disappears under the ruckus her presence on stage creates among the attendance. “What the hell?! She just has a bunch of leaves hanging down her butt, what’s the big deal?!” J sees you are cranky so he gestures for you to go to him. You sit in his lap for a little bit; it always makes you feel better no matter what.

“You’re the best dressed for me, Kitten,” he winks, caressing your thigh. “Though I like you undressed mucchhhh better,” J corrects his sentence, breathing on your neck and you sure need another cold shower right now.

Harvey is announcing Best Explosion of The Year that goes to Mister Freeze for the simultaneous blasting of police headquarters in 6 precincts on May 14th but you don’t pay too much attention since J is the center of your universe for the moment. You seductively pull on his shirt’s collar, so attracted to him you would love to flee the event just to get it out of your system.

“Congratulations!” The Penguin pats your back and you both get out of trance.

“Huh?”

“You won Best Villain Couple of The Year, get up there!” everyone urges you and the deafening applauses echo in your ears. You hold hands with The Joker and go collect your award.

“You’re so sexy Mister J!” somebody has the nerve to scream from the crowd.

“Thank you honey, ” your husband scoffs, fixing his perfect green locks.  
“Who said that?!” you snap, scanning the women and they don’t give out the guilty party.“I’m gonna blow your brains out!” the threat follows and all the psychos are aware you mean it.

There are some roars and whistles coming from men as your possessiveness takes over, then:

“You look so hot when you’re angry, Y/N!”

Your face turns from frowny to ecstatic in just one second:

“Thank you, darling!”

“Who the fuck said that? “ J takes over the microphone, his blood boiling with jealousy. “This is my woman; I’m gonna stab you 50 times and enjoy it!!!” Nobody gives away the offender and Harvey manages to calm down the commotion to some people’s disappointment: they would like to see some shit going down tonight.

For the rest of the evening you fret, keeping a close eye on J and he does the same with you. Nobody takes away what’s yours! He believes the same but doesn’t share, of course.

You really started relaxing a bit after dying of laughter: when Bane was climbing the steps towards the platform to accept Best Heist of The Year award, he tripped on the red carpet and fell on his face. Jeez, did he have a tantrum or what?! Almost as good as The Joker, but nobody beats him. Pretty close and nice try.

Two more hours pass by and it’s finally time for the last award of the evening: Nemesis of The Year.

Dent flips his coin once, opens the envelope and puffs:

“And the award for the fourth year in a row goes to The Batman!”

“The asshole won!” J claps his hands, chuckling like a maniac. People are booing, discontent to hear the name but it’s the tradition to recognize the best from the opposite side, so… nothing that can be done about it.

“I’ll take it!” your husband offers without hesitation and he is handed the award: a gold statue of Gotham’s vigilante, about the size of an Oscar.

*****************

You creep inside the penthouse just to notice everyone passed out from exhaustion: your five sons are cuddled around the 3 henchmen appointed to babysit tonight, scattered on the couches all over the living room. It really looks like a battlefield: probably they played villains and cops again. Yep, there it is: your oldest son (he’s 12) is wearing a Batsy outfit. Your youngest (he’s 2 and a half) is wearing a policeman outfit. You can’t see the others because it’s too dark.

“Ssstttt,” the Joker covers your mouth when you attempt to go and wake them up, this way they can sleep in their beds. “Let them be, we gotta celebrate. I wanna have sex!” he drags you after him and you kind of regret not kissing your kids good night and kind of don’t. You sneak inside one of the bedrooms upstairs, the furthest on the hallway for more privacy, which a lot of times is hard to obtain with 5 offsprings.

“Kittyyyy, “ J purrs, running his hands down your back, “Come to Daddy.”

“Mmmm…” you enjoy his touch, unbuttoning his shirt. “You teased me all night long, it’s outrageous!”

“Bad girl!” he slams you against the wall when your hand stops on his crotch.

“Dammit!” you mutter, exasperated.

“Wha’ ? What is it? I’m ready to go, what’s the problem?! Nobody is faster than me! Are you trying to say I’m not fast enough?!” his ego kicks in and you don’t even know where he gets all these ideas from.

“It’s not that and you know it, my blue eyed pretzel,” you pull him in your arms, disappointed you didn’t remember sooner.

“Then what is it?” he pushes himself into you so hard you can’t breathe.

“Ummm… we forgot to deliver the award…” you yawn, slowly blinking.

“Crap!” J gasps, stomping his foot. “I was too horny on the way home to think straight!”

“Me too…” you are fast to whine. “But the sooner we go, the sooner we can come back and full around…”

“Uhhhhh, “ he groans, releasing you and walking funny towards the door. “Be quiet and let’s hurry up, Princess!”  
******************

Bruce Wayne is driving around Gotham’s streets in his Bat Mobile, making sure they are safe. Suddenly, a huge Batsy signal illuminates the night sky.

What does Gordon want now?! he sighs, tired and not in the mood.

Once he gets to the top of the building, there’s nobody there. The scanner discloses nothing either. But there is something under the reflector. He approaches and bends over to grab the gold statue representing him. A small handwritten note under it. He unfolds it and reads: “There’s nothing wrong with my genes!”

What the hell is this? he asks himself, puzzled. Bruce has an idea about who left that there.

The Batman looks closer to see the inscription on the award: Nemesis of the Year.

“Hm,” he huffs, “I won again.”


End file.
